The Only Thing That Matters
by Adverant
Summary: He's gotten so much better since the last attack, but he's not sure what he'll do if- when- it happens again. All he can do is watch as his friend walks away from him in the airport and smile like an absolute idiot. "It's okay, I'm okay." Those are his only thoughts, and he doesn't even realize he's whispering it over and over under his breath.


p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 15.8003997802734px;"em"It's okay, I'm okay." /emHe breathed, his smile softening and running his fingers through his hair, watching one of his best friends walk into a crowd and disappear in the airport./p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 15.8003997802734px;"strongemAre/em /strongem strongyou?/strong/em/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 15.8003997802734px;"emAm I?/em/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 15.8003997802734px;"He sighed, frowning for a second and turning towards the airport doors, his fingers tapping on his leg in his agitation. He ruffled his dark hair again, putting on a smile for show and waving as he walked past a fan towards the door. He stepped outside and into the cool air, blowing over his skin and raising bumps on his arms. This isn't so bad, there are still people here to talk to, he reminded himself. He got into the car he'd ordered to be there, giving the location he needed to go and lying his head back to stair at the roof, his focus on the sounds of the car's wheels over the asphalt and the city noises outside./p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 15.8003997802734px;"The car slowly pulled to a stop and he opened the door, thanking the driver for making the trip and waving as he stepped into the restaurant. He was suddenly enveloped in warmth, warm browns and rusted reds decorated the place, making it even look warm to be there. Soft yellow lights played off his glasses and he sat across from a blond woman and a taller man with short curly brown hair. "Mark, hey!" He looked up as another man walked in, with who might've been his wife. "Bob, Mandy, come sit down!" The taller man across from him called./p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 15.8003997802734px;"He greeted his friends, asking Molly and Wade about their flight, and confirming with Bob and Mandy that he would be visiting Cincinnati soon. They began conversation, and Bob told them a fun story about a very energetic fan meeting him and Wade. "Yeah I met her too- such a spirited girl. How do people have all that energy?" Wade laughed, shrugging and Bob giving similar response, the girls both involved in their own conversation. He could only imagine the response of em"Yeah, I like her. She's like me- full of fire."/em/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 15.8003997802734px;"em"Maybe that's because she actually sleeps." /emHe would have commented at that with a lopsided smile. em"Sleep? Ha! Sleep is for the/em emweak."/em/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 15.8003997802734px;"He frowned. emThis was supposed to be fun./emembr /em/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 15.8003997802734px;"strongemIt wont be./em/strong/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 15.8003997802734px;"emWont it?/em/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 15.8003997802734px;"He sighed in frustration tapping his fingers and greeting the waitress that arrived to take their orders, making his pick. He wasn't all that hungry, but for the sake of food and well needed energy and nutrition he ordered steak and salad anyway. The world around him seemed almost tunneled, he couldn't seem to focus on anything in particular besides the plate of food that had at some point found itself in front of him, being poked at with his fork as he made an effort to look like he even wanted to be there with his friends to be eating it in the first place./p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 15.8003997802734px;"emI wonder what he's doing. /emHis mind prodded, going back to when he stood in the airport watching as the person he'd met only a few times before walked out of view into the crowd which his mind blurred into puddles that could hardly be called people. Then his mind wandered to the idea of that man sitting on a plane looking bored and almost lifeless compared to how he'd seen him that week, putting quick glances towards his iPad, and a few fleeting- contemplating- glances towards his phone on the seat beside him. emMaybe I could text him, so he'll get a pleasant welcome when he lands. He might appreciate it./em/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 15.8003997802734px;"strongemHe wont- you'll annoy him./em/strong/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 15.8003997802734px;"emWill I?/em/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 15.8003997802734px;"He was brought out of his thoughts off somewhere else by the clatter of a fork against a plate, realizing after a moment of staring into his salad that the fork was his own. He quickly snatched the fork into his hand again and aggressively stabbed a piece of lettuce, looking up and from face to face to see if any of his friends had noticed him. Molly looked red in the face from laughing and Mandy seemed content, when Bob was arguing about a hilarious story with Wade who was also laughing hard, a story he couldn't care for if he tried./p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 15.8003997802734px;"He loved Bob's stories, there was always something funny about them but it usually meant someone else doing something insanely stupid that he had pretty much always expected- someone else being him or Wade. This just wasn't his night, he decided and brought the abused lettuce to his lips and nibbled on it absently for a moment trying to hone in on his friend's voice and story, to hope that he might capture the humor and feel warmed with a good laugh. He wasn't, and he just forced a smile to his face and stuffed the rest of the bit of lettuce in his mouth to give a reason for the absence of his usually loud and obvious voice./p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 15.8003997802734px;"When dinner was done, they were supposed to go back to the other guys' hotel room and hang out, playing board games and of course cards against humanity. They were all tired after all they'd done this week, and anyone would believe him if he told them he was the most exhausted of them all, he even looked it. It wouldn't be a lie either, he was pooped, but it wouldn't be the reason he didn't join them tonight- not this time. He missed the silence, where he could forget about trying to really pay attention to his friends, or listen to their stories and jokes or even their genuine concern like Wade had just asked him./p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 15.8003997802734px;"Wait, what?/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 15.8003997802734px;""Mark?" Wade's voice sounded confused and quiet, and he was suddenly aware the only sounds were the usual hustle and bustle about the restaurant, his friends were all silent. They were watching him expectantly, and he didn't know what to do about the sudden spotlight shined directly into his retinas. "Hm? I'm sorry, I'm just..." He trailed off, just what? What could he tell them that they would believe, what could he say that wouldn't be a blatantly lie but no where near the truth? He didn't have to, Wade just nodded and replied. "Yeah, we're tired too. You don't have to come back with us, Mark, get some rest." He smiled at his best friends, the first genuine expression of happiness he's shown all night./p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 15.8003997802734px;"He appreciated his friend's concern for him and understanding, even if he only thought he could understand Mark. He loves his friends for that too, they have a stupid way of assuming and thinking they understand that make his excuses so easy to believe, and keeps them from question him. He's so lucky to have these people by his side on this journey of life, and he wonders every day if they know that, if he says it enough, if he needs to say it more, if he's worth it./p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 15.8003997802734px;"strongemYou're not, you don't deserve them./em/strong/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 15.8003997802734px;"emDo I?/em/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 15.8003997802734px;"He placed the cash for his meal on the table and mumbled a goodbye saying he was taking a taxi back to his hotel and for them to have a good night, smiling to the waitress who said a polite farewell to him also, she seemed so nice it was too bad there were already too many people around him he lied to and kept on their toes. She didn't deserve for him to make an effort to be polite and friendly and befriend her, only to deceive and lie to her every which way and on ever single thing she asked him, while sharing her honest thoughts because that's what friends expect from each other. emShe seemed so sweet, I hope she's happy./em/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 15.8003997802734px;"strongemDo you? I bet she hates you./em/strong/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 15.8003997802734px;"emDoes she?/em/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 15.8003997802734px;"He groaned in frustration to himself, waiting in the cold and tugging up the collar of his coat as the taxi he called pulled to the curb right in front of him, he opened the sleek door taking a seat and giving the driver his destination. He watched the dark night outside his window, squinting slightly at the double glare of the usual city lights caused by his glasses and the car window. He needed sleep, he just needed a lot of sleep honestly./p 


End file.
